So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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