WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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