I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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