I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
