so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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