I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
