It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
