dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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