census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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