thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I faked an abortion last night.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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