Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
