he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
