i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
