their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
