dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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