Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
