I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize