so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
