Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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