She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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