Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
