Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
