he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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