remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
