marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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