You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
