ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
