I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He did a backflip because drugs
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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