I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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