a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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