The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
