if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
