You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
