Just fell off a train. Bad.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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