i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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