I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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