God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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