Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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