i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
