Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
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We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
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There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?