boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know