i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run