I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
