I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
