Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
