Redeem this text for a blowjob
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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