Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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