At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
