If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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