dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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