True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
