Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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