I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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