I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
