And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
