I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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