i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
