I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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