I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
