god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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