Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
