I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
