toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
