She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
