I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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