maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I still have a little drunk in my system
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
