I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
soo... how was my night?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
