THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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