I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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