Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
